In the Summer of 2022, a 10-year journey came to an end in Amsterdam. Its final score, as the curtain closed and the lights came up, was comprised of the orchestrations that preceded and followed the final act: the buzz of a barber’s razor, the droning resonance of a tattoo machine, and the brush of electric sound from the surprise gift of a friend.
For a decade, a leading figure and frontwoman of post-punk staple band Against Me!, Laura Jane Grace,
A musical force since Against Me!’s debut in the late 90’s, Laura Jane Grace has never shied away from themes of political commentary, environmentalism, social critique, and candid self-exploration. Following the 2012 public announcement of her gender transition in the pages of Rolling Stone, Laura Jane Grace racked up several accolades. Against Me! released its most acclaimed record to date, “Transgender Dysphoria Blues” in 2014, which was followed by an Emmy-nominated 10-episode companion documentary, . Hole In My Head is Grace’s twelfth album and an exciting hallmark in her colourful and extensive career.
Recorded at Native Sound in St. Louis, Missouri the album is a sonic curio cabinet containing multitudes. “Hole In My Head” features warm 50s-rock-influenced guitar riffs, saved-for-later lyrics, love letters to St. Louis, dysphoria apparel, and thoughtful reflections on a punk life lived.
The record’s title track “Hole In My Head” takes off with a driving guitar-heavy approach that will be welcome to long-time fans of Against Me! Electric machinations drive the song for about 10 seconds before launching into the first verse and punctuated by two lines that serve as the chorus as the song progresses, “I won’t learn to feel less/ I need a hole in my head”.
The lyrics are captured visually in the album’s cover art done by the talented Australian artist and designer Annie Walters. Walters contrasts a black and white photograph of the crumpled, short-haired figure of Laura Jane Grace against a barrage of bright colour and illustrative imagery that bursts upward from Grace’s splitting head.
Baby what’s the scene?
I’ve got places to be
Something left unsaid
will explode if not released
I need a hole in my head
I won’t learn to feel less
Keeping up the pace, “Hole In My Head” is followed by “I’m Not a Cop” and “Dysphoria Hoodie” in that order. “I’m Not a Cop” continues in the themes of self-examination and is backed by a 50/60’s rock style melody a la Jonathan Richman and Eddie Cochran. Richman’s influences make several appearances throughout the record. Grace replicates Richman’s distinctive musical styling in the form of jangly guitar rhythms and staccato response harmonies. As the melody is juxtaposed against present-tense ruminative lyrics, the song creates a melodic microcosm of sorts. A space in which the listener cannot stop themselves from examining the progression of rock music as a constant form of counter-culture form of expression.
The first single from the record is one which audiences who have seen Laura Jane Grace play in the last couple of years may be familiar with. “Dysphoria Hoodie” (released on October 4th), has been a staple in Grace’s setlist, and one which is as personal as it is pertinent in today’s climate.
Falling away from the comforts of “Dysphoria Hoodie” and following “Birds Talk Too”, the album pivots back to the influences of Jonathan Richman in the following song “Punk Rock in Basements”.
As the album’s sound begins to settle, Laura Jane Grace’s writing shifts to reflect her surroundings. For the last couple of years, Grace has split her time between Chicago and St. Louis, Missouri. And despite her 2018 song “I Hate Chicago”, Grace wants it known she, in fact, does not hate the Windy City. As a parent, home is wherever Grace’s daughter is.
But after spending the pandemic cooped up in an apartment where she was unable to make music the way she wanted, she needed to get out. Shortly after, Laura Jane Grace landed in St. Louis and (quite serendipitously) posted up in a studio that formerly belonged to Jay Farrar, frontman of Son Volt and founding member of Uncle Tupelo.
The first couple of songs on “Hole In My Head” are straightforward, stripped-back punk-rock-‘n’-roll affairs, but the majority of the album is more bare-bones even than that. Most of the tracks feature an acoustic guitar, accompanied often—though not always—by drums played by Grace herself, as well as a bass guitar courtesy of Matt Patton of Drive-By Truckers. The effect of this rudimentary instrumental arrangement is that many of the songs sound almost cutesy—certainly that’s the case with “Tacos And Toast,” whose subtle yet triumphant refrain, “I ain’t got nowhere I gotta be today” makes it a perfect ode to gentle self-indulgence.
Grace’s greatest achievement on “Hole In My Head” is to impart the notion that her ability to write with such unerring, toe-curling honesty is dependent upon her willingness to understand the inner machinations of her mind down to every last synaptic firing. There is a potent power in knowing yourself this well; it rises above the anxiety and uncertainty that it illuminates and flows out of the record beautifully, in a way no one song can aptly summarize.
Life can be complicated and often painful, Grace seems to say on “Hole In My Head”, but if strength and optimism are to be found anywhere, it’s in seizing your identity—warts and all—and refusing to shy away from it.
It was in St. Louis that Grace celebrated her 42nd birthday, a day commemorated in “Hole In My Head’s” seventh track “Tacos and Toast”. This track in addition to its predecessor “Cuffing Season” slows down the tempo of the record moving forward as its lyrics delve into Grace’s renewed ability to make music in a new place. Grace follows up this love for St. Louis in the album’s ninth track, “Keep Your Wheels Straight” as well. Immortalizing a night of CBGB’s and nonalcoholic beers, a city plagued by urban decay is brought back to life.
“St. Louis really opened its arms to me and I just have such a great time when I’m there… it’s a really special city … It’s like, to me it feels like the way every city in America felt when I first started touring in the late 90’s. And this crazy mix of like, fun and adventure, but danger and possibility”
Backed by her own drumming, Grace’s forward vocals complement her skills as a guitarist on “Hole In My Head“, while the added contributions of Drive-By Truckers bassist, Matt Patton, bolsters a full-band sound throughout the album. Patton, who was recruited through a brief conversation with Grace over Twitter, brought a smooth and collaborative experience to the project, despite the genre differences between the two. When asked, Matt said:
“I would say that our working relationship was immediately comfortable just in the way that she was able to articulate you know, what it was that she wanted me to do.
And you know, she had the musical cue and vocabulary to get her points across to where we can work efficiently without any confusion or disagreements. It was a, you know, it was a different level for me.”
Patton’s playing is all over the record, but really took his moment to shine when given a blank slate with the song “Mercenary”. According to Laura Jane, “Mercenary” is the oldest song on the record and had been workshopped on and off over the years. Patton had wrapped up his time in the studio with Grace and was headed home when Grace sent him the track and told him to do whatever he wanted with it. “Mercenary” has a more roots-based sound with a metronomic sliding bass sound which allows it to stand out on the album. Grace’s ever clear vocals keep it consistent with the rest of the songs though. There is a sharp edge in her voice, almost as if she’s breathing out a challenge as she sings:
If there’s money on the table
you can take it and leave
If there’s a seat in the car
no one rides for free
I’ve got gold, solid gold
Come on and shine with me
Go on and take all you want
There’s nothing here that I need
Writing from life is easy to do but it’s difficult to master. Life is strange, it’s messy, and for all the talk of it being short, living is the longest thing we can do. How do we get to the point of it all? Writing about it is just one way to make sense of it all. In taking these strange moments, it’s tempting to crowd the story with metaphor or description in an effort to entertain others as we invite them to these parts of our lives. Laura Jane Grace has honed her craft as a songwriter, and takes on the difficult task of telling her stories without losing the details.
In the final two tracks of the album “Hard Feelings” and “Give Up the Ghost”, there is almost a stream of consciousness where Grace flows between apologies and regrets to seemingly embellished experiences. Except when she sings “I’m standing at the center of the universe/ screaming at god, I’m not done” in the final track “Give Up the Ghost”, she’s being serious.
The Center of the Universe, an auditory phenomena on a footbridge in downtown Tulsa, Oklahoma. A place where tourists can stand at its center and yell yet not be heard by those standing outside of them. It is an isolating experience for some, where in one space you can say everything or nothing and maybe only god will hear you. Or not. “Give Up the Ghost” is relatively sparse compared to the rest of the record. As it was in the American Hotel in Amsterdam and the bedroom of her childhood, it is just Laura Jane Grace and a guitar, setting her time and memory to melody the hard-edged yet honest way she’s mastered.
“Hole In My Head” is a record which captures the nuances of humanity and experience in a strangely optimistic manner. The lightness of its influence and the journalistic recollection of experience set against a battered and warm folk-punk delivery from beginning to end makes “Hole In My Head” a fun comfort. It is a welcome embrace of life and just the start of a new chapter in Laura Jane Grace’s raucous journey.
releases February 16th, 2024
All songs written & performed by Laura Jane Grace,
The Fat Angel Sings 